I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
