FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
