dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
