So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
