where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
