Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
