we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
