There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
