last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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