I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
