Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
even my farts smell like vagina
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
