I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
