I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
