just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
