Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
