Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
