I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
