something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need a beard to bite.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize