dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
