i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
