i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
