i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My bed smells like the plague
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
