Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
