we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
