i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
