Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
