her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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