Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
