Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
