I want to have your abortion
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
