I'm gonna have a badass scar
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I forget how to act sober
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
