Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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