I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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