is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
