I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
