How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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