I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
