I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
