she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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