Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
