Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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