I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
