I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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