walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
