Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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