Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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