I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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