Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize