If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
