:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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