There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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