Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
