my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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