go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
