If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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