ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
