I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
