The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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