did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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