we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
