Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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